I listen to Joe Biden repeatedly respond to inquiries about the woes of his son Hunter with stock variations on the theme that he’s proud of the guy, and I think of actor John Banner, AKA Sgt. Schultz.
Most recently, when it came to light that Hunter is being investigated for potential tax fraud and money laundering, Joe yelled to the few reporters who dared to ask about the inquiry, “I’m proud of my son.”
On the infrequent occasions when the coddling media members have brought up other Hunter issues, like having a job as a consultant to a foreign energy company despite lacking any real expertise in the area, Joe has claimed to have been proud of Hunter then, too.
Hunter’s ties with Chinese? Joe is proud.
Hunter has had problems with drugs and alcohol, marriage, and for a time was dating his dead brother’s widow.
The guy even claimed Immaculate Conception of one of his children, fathered, he contended, without the benefit of sexual intercourse with the mother.
DNA evidence put before the court, as Hunter attempted to dodge financial responsibility for the child, indicated “with near scientific certainty” that he was, indeed, the father of said child and Hunter finally folded his losing denial hand and started paying.
Joe, of course, would have been about to bust with pride over that, if anyone had bothered to ask.
As a father myself, I understand parental pride. But I’m thinking if my son had confessed to problems with drugs and alcohol, had fathered an illegitimate child and tried to weasel out of financial responsibility, and had somehow tried to trade on my name – as likely as the last might seem — I’d still love the guy.
But proclaim pride over all those shortcomings? Not so much. Maybe sympathy, or empathy or general understanding. Maybe a heart-to-heart chat that would have been attempted with the message being that it’s time to clean up the act.
It would not have been a matter of pride.
Now a few words about John Banner/Sgt. Schultz. I grew up watching the Hogan’s Heroes show, a half-hour sit-com that ran from 1965 to 1972 with the unlikely setting of a German prisoner of war camp. Banner’s Schultz character made famous the tag line “I know nothing. Nothing!” as he ignored prisoners’ schemes
Only this week, while watching reruns of The Untouchables that air on Sunday afternoons on one cable outlet, did I discover that Banner had used the know-nothing line before Hogan’s Heroes.
Specifically, in one episode of The Untouchables from 1962, Banner played a German brewmaster putting out illegal beer in prohibition-era Chicago. He was being used as an unwitting tool in a battle between two mobsters and when one of those mobsters confronted Banner over his role with the competition, Banner’s reply was “Nothing. I know nothing!”
This time Banner’s character truly was in the dark.
It’s hard to believe Joe Biden is totally in the dark about Hunter, but on occasion he’s been Sgt. Schultz-like in denying knowing what Hunter was up to. Joe Biden also claimed to be unaware, literally saying “I know nothing,” about moves by the FBI to investigate Trump national security adviser General Michael Flynn that were aired in a meeting attended by Biden as vice president.
Biden had to walk back the Flynn denial later in the same interview, claiming he’d misheard the question.
So far “I know nothing” regarding Hunter has been accepted.
Of the two, “I know nothing” is less irritating than “I’m proud.”
Imagine parents of historical figures borrowing from Joe’s “I’m proud” shtick.
So, Mrs. Hitler, Adolf seems to have done some very bad things. What’s that? You’re proud of your son?
OK. Never mind.
And I see you nodding Mr. Boesky, Mrs. Ponzi and Mr. Madoff.
You’re proud, too?
Well, I guess that makes everything OK.
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