Dishing On Dish Network

Dish Network is looking out for me again, which means I should put one hand firmly over my wallet.

One of the realities of having Dish Network as one’s television provider is the never-ending struggles between channel providers and Dish over how much money will change hands.

Dish paints itself as the good guy, holding the line against money-grubbing local stations, traditional networks, or cable channels/networks. Dish just says no and the channel guide has a notation that (fill in the blank) is withholding programming.

Meanwhile, before the channels disappear, the soon-to-vanish providers have ads urging all viewers to contact Dish and tell those cheap whatevers to pay up so you can continue to watch.

I have seen this transpire with various cable networks and local NBC and CBS providers. Usually, one side blinks and the programming stays.

Currently Dish is on the outs with AT&T regional sports networks. This means people who worship the Pittsburgh Pirates (and why would they?) or Pittsburgh Penguins, have seen their access to broadcasts of live games cut off, except for the odd network appearances.

I am invited to go to dishpromise.com to understand this. Simply put, Dish doesn’t want to pay AT&T’s asking price. Instead, Dish wants AT&T to become a premium channel where only the customers who want to view it are required to pay for it. Think of it like HBO, Showtime, etc.

Dish calls this the ala carte option.

Sounds good to me. Even though I spent more than 35 years in journalism, mostly as a sportswriter, I can take or leave Pirates and Penguins broadcasts, especially with the hometown shills at the microphones.

I do not and likely will not miss that regional sports channel.

But I have become increasingly aware that my Dish package, with its 200-plus channels costing more than $130 a month, includes an awful lot of stuff I don’t watch.

Dish wants to make regional sports channels ala carte. Fine, but keep going.

I sat down moments ago and went through the entire channel guide. I found no fewer than 35 shopping or infomercial channels. Yes, some were duplications, but that doesn’t change the fact that the very same programming was on multiple channels and was counted as different offerings. And all these channels are asking me to buy something.

No, thanks. Put those 35 channels on an ala carte basis and I gladly will pass.

Also, I don’t speak Spanish despite two years of high school classes (I can, however recite the pledge of allegiance in Latin as a carryover from two years of studying that language). So, all five Spanish-language channels are of no interest to me. Ala carte, anyone?

I’m not black, so I don’t need Black Entertainment Television or the Black News Channel.

I’m not into organized religions, so the nine channels I identified as religious in nature are not interesting to me.

Dish uses four of its channels to spout its propaganda. Pass on those.

I don’t watch rock videos or other programming on the four combined MTV or VH1 channels. Please delete them and lower my bill.

I don’t need four channels that replay old TV game shows. I’ll just say no to them.

I figure Dish should be able to cut my monthly bill by one-third if they just move these channels to ala carte pricing.

One more item before we finish with Dish. Having this satellite TV provider is kind of like having an early warning weather system. Minutes before heavy storms arrive, the signal goes out. It stays out a long time!

This makes it particularly amusing to see a Dish commercial in which some male dog owner is awakened by his canine who is disturbed by an overnight thunderstorm. The owner takes the dog downstairs to the couch and watches some of his Dish channels to calm the mutt.

Sounds good in theory. In practice, both the owner and the pet would be agitated by finding the blue screen of signal loss instead of programming.

If only we could make such service interruptions available only on an ala carte basis.