Joe Biden, faced with the supposedly credible threat of a Russian invasion of Ukraine and a very real stream of serious domestic problems, got out of Dodge and headed to Camp David for the weekend.
But we can presume that Biden did like most of America and had a Super Bowl party there.
Imagine peeking in the window on the proceedings.
Biden: USA! USA! USA!
Biden Lackey: Sir, this isn’t the Olympics. Both teams are from the USA, but you should root for the Los Angles Rams because they are based in the socialist outpost of California, which blindly supports all left-wing politicians. The opponents are from Cincinnati, a town in the flyover state of Ohio that often votes for heathen Republicans.
Biden: So, which one is Vlad Putin?
Biden Lackey: Again, sir, this isn’t the Olympics and, unlike hockey which is rife with Russians, we have no Russians in the NFL.
Biden: Come on, man! This reminds me of when I was a boy growing up in Scran-Barre — or was that Wilkes-ton? – taking guys who said bad things to girls out behind the gym and kicking their butts. By the way, I’m Joe Biden, and I’m running for U.S. Senate.
Biden Lackey: Sir, actually you are the president, although most of the people who voted for you are regretting it, at least privately. Why don’t you sit down on the couch and I’ll get you some snacks.
Biden: Good deal. Get some for Hunter, too. He’s been feeding off my leftovers for years, so no need to stop now.
Biden Lackey: Well, sir, I think Hunter has repaired to his room looking for his laptop computer.
Biden: Good. Good. What about my wife, old What’s Her Name?
Biden Lackey: You mean DOCTOR JILL BIDEN!!!!!!!!
Biden: Yeah, old Doc. Can she give me my meds so I can go nappy?
Biden Lackey: Sir, she’s not that kind of doctor. But she could give a pretty good speech on educational leadership, which is tasking subordinates to try to carry out your ridiculous initiatives.
Biden: Sounds like she’d make a pretty good president.
Biden Lackey: Actually, sir, some think she’s already running the show.
Biden: Ridiculous, you think a guy as sharp as I am needs help ruining this country? Why just the other day, as I was telling my invisible six-foot rabbit friend Cameltoe, we were going to demand Russians get their missiles out of Cuba.
Biden Lackey: Ironically, sir, it’s Putin’s demands to have U.S. missiles taken off his front porch that have created these tensions.
Biden: Well, enough of the business chit chat. My, that’s an impressive stadium where they’re playing the Super Bowl. It reminds me of some of the stuff I saw in China when I made trips there to, ahhh, accept some, you know what I mean to say but can’t find the words other than to say bring me another ice cream cone, pronto.
Biden Lackey: Right away, sir. By the way, do you have a bet on the Super Bowl?
Biden: Hey, I’m no sucker. As the great baseball philosopher Yogi Bear, I mean Yogi Berra, once said, predictions are tough, especially when you’re talking about the future. I only go for sure things like elections. Remember when I bragged about having the “most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics”?
Here Biden winked. Or maybe it was just another nervous twitch. And he was off to bed before the game’s kickoff.
Sam Ross Jr's site 