True to my word, I watched nary a second of Clueless Joe’s state of delusion speech, confident any and all absurdities of it would be well-reported in more concise fashion.
Toward that end, my cup runneth over.
My favorite take on Biden’s raging rant was attributed to Utah Senator Mike Lee, who was reported to have said, “I think he borrowed a little something from Hunter tonight.”
Or drank a case of Red Bull. I hope Joe was wearing heavy duty Depends that night.
Amidst the overkill delivery from Biden was the usual pack of distortions and/or outright lies.
These included things such as indirectly mentioning Donald Trump (aka “My Predecessor in the manner of Biden being The Big Guy) 13 times in a massive blame game outpouring
Sure, things are bad now, with a porous southern border, the National Guard called in to restore order in New York City subways, rising costs of living, and a supposedly strong economy as measured by curious job stats put out by Biden’s bureaucrats that just doesn’t seem all that strong. But “My Predecessor” is responsible for all of it and my hands are clean.
Toward that end, vote me in for four more years – or whatever life I have left – and I promise to continue to blame everything wrong with our nation and the world on the guy in the Oval Office the previous four years.
What? That would be me? Joe Biden? The Big Guy?
No, I mean my other predecessor.
I’m the guy, Joe Biden, you can trust to get things done. See how I brought the nation together as promised.
I always will stand in staunch support of infanticide, otherwise known as abortion or, in the greatest verbal stretch as portrayed on bumper stickers, “Health care.”
I never met a fringe cause I would not support. Trans males beating up on female athletes? Check. BLM riots? Check. Palestinian rage on streets and campuses? Check.
On the matter of national security, supporting Chinese interests, including the invasive social media platform TikTok? Of course. Hey, my campaign is there. At least that’s what I’ve been told.
Using increasingly limited U.S. financial resources to prop up Zelenskyy or treat illegal immigrants as royalty? But of course on these, too.
Actually I’m surprised they’ve let me speak this long without cutting off my mic and shepherding me away from the podium.
And don’t get me started on that Jan. 6 business. Insurrection. Insurrection. Insurrection. Greatest threat to democracy since our Civil War.
Yes, I’m still talking about Jan. 6, you dog-faced pony soldier, although you would be right to lump in as threats to democracy the political weaponization of the courts, law enforcement and intelligence systems to punish my political enemies and lord, they are many.
We’re trying to save democracy here, starting by seeking to jail my Republican challenger, or at least make sure his name cannot appear on ballots.
Democracy is one-party rule, right?
Some would argue that spiking prices of alternative money such as Bitcoin or gold indicate declining faith in the U.S., our dollar and, by extension, me.
I repeat, this nation is strong economically. Just read the job reports, the ones that are inflated artificially for headline effect, then quietly revised down massively in future months.
Why just the past month we had huge job numbers, never mind that 1.2 million of those jobs went to foreign-born workers, here either legally or illegally.
That’s me!
But, it really is time for me to go (I heard you cackling in the back of the room). Hunter, got any more good stuff in the bag?
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