While we wait for Cambria County to share with us the outcome of the Burns-Bradley state house race, let’s call roll on the losers and winners from the national election.
LOSERS
Sunny Hostin (The View host handed Kamala Chameleon a softball question about what she’d do differently than Biden and it turned into a friendly fire grenade when Kamala couldn’t think of a thing).
Robert De Niro, Willie Nelson, George Clooney, Bruce Springsteen and Mark Cuban (All celebrity white dudes for Kamala who should be red with embarrassment over how little their advocacy helped her campaign).
Lamestream media (Ratings were down, Washington Post circulation is tanking, and they all were in mourning after their candidate lost).
Pollster “Alka” Selzer (Her attempt to boost Kamala morale with a late Iowa poll showing the Chameleon ahead by three points looked bad when Donald Trump carried the state by 13 points or so),
Beggar boy Zelenskyy (The money spigot for Ukraine is about to be turned off).
Illegal immigrants inside the U.S. and approaching the border (Enjoy it while it lasts).
Democratic elites (Go find someone else besides the working class to tell how stupid and vile they are)
Precious metals (Gold and silver dropped on Trump’s election, because he eliminates a lot of problems).
Iranian currency (The rial hit an all-time low after Trump’s election).
Lawyers (A landslide outcome reduced their election workload).
Made up pronouns and genders (We now can go back to he and she, men and women).
Trite cliches like “unburdened by the past” (No more trips to Kamala’s word salad bar).
Kamala’s Dougie (Her angry side seeped out on occasion during the campaign and I doubt she’s taking this loss well – plus, she’s going to be around the house a lot more now).
Tampon Tim Walz (He’s reduced to being Minnesota’s governor, but he might get a side gig as an Elmer Fudd impersonator).
Manufacturers of the Walz everyman wardrobe of blaze orange and camo (Now they just have their customary clientele, not a lot of leftist posers).
Kamala and Tampon Tim impersonators (That ship has sailed)
Minnesota residents (They get Walz back as governor).
Censors and other heavy-handed, self-appointed guardians of discourse (We’ll take it from here, thanks).
DR. JILL BIDEN!!!!!! (She really liked being relevant, chairing cabinet meetings and living in that big White House).
The Democrat’s Blue Wall of Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin (It proved about as effective as France’s Maginot Line in World War II. Trump won all three blue wall states).
Dour women named Whoopi, Joy or Sunny (Just my View of things).
WINNERS
Atlas Intelligence, Quantus, Rasmussen and Trafalgar (Unlike Alka Selzer, these pollsters were very accurate).
The American populace (Many probably don’t yet realize that this election saved the nation).
Joe Biden, Gavin Newsom and Josh Shapiro (Kamala losing benefits all three).
Cryptocurrency fans (You people got a big boost).
Stock markets (All raced higher on the Trump victory).
The world (This globe’s beat cop is back on duty and bad actors know it).
Working men and women (No longer will you need to endure being called garbage).
Truth, justice and the American way (Sounds like something Superman would say).
Men of all races (They proved they finally could do something right — vote for Trump).
Trump supporters in general (Those Nazi, deplorable, bitter clinging, pieces of garbage shoved it in the face of the ruling elites).
Tyrus (This regular panelist on Fox’s Gutfeld show has been saying for weeks that the election would not be close, and it wasn’t).
Elon Musk (Tesla stock was up big in price Wednesday and now he need not worry about MSNBC harpy Maddow getting her wish of him having zero government contracts moving forward).
Freedom of speech (Musk buying Twitter (X) got the ball rolling on that front and the Trump election seals the deal).
Peanut the Squirrel (His death at the hands of the New York deep state was avenged by the election outcome).
Secret Service members (Soon they no longer will need to fear bites from Biden’s dog – at least 25 such occurrences according to published reports).
Diddy (Being in jail made him unavailable, so he was not shamed into making a Kamala endorsement. His former squeeze Jennifer Lopez probably wished she had been in jail, too).
Sam Ross Jr's site 