People who know me understand I’m not a bird lover, even though I currently share my house with three avian creatures.
A blue budgie parakeet sits outside its cage less than two feet from me, twittering away as I write this early Saturday afternoon. In the past, this creature and its cage mate (a green example now sitting atop the cage, too) have seized such opportunities to attempt carrier landings on my head.
It’s a long story.
So, it was with sympathetic amusement that I saw videos Friday of Fox White House correspondent Peter Doocy being annoyed by a bird landing on his head during live television as he attempted to report from the White House lawn. Been there, done that, sort of.
Years back, while fishing with several others along the banks of the Quemahoning Reservoir, I noted a white bird flying along the far side of that particular branch of the lake. Understand, this probably was 300 to 400 yards distant.
I pointed it out to others and, almost on cue, the bird turned and headed straight toward me. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, considering I read online that pigeons/doves (I think this one of that family) can see shapes and colors at ranges up to seven miles.
The bird kept coming, divebombed my head, and as I yelled (screamed like a girl, one insisted) and waved off the bird, it veered to a perch high up in an overhead tree limb, perhaps to wait for a moment of weakness on my part.
Hell, it still might be out there. Sitting. Waiting.
Allow me to interject at this point that the political left tosses around “phobias” without the sort of medical credentials they insisted upon from anyone who suggested that Clueless Joe Biden was a few bricks shy of a load mentally.
Phobias, in a clinical sense, are supposed to be irrational, excessive, persistent fears of something.
You see something wrong with Muslims killing people for failing to convert to their religion and you are an Islamaphobe.
You do not approve of same sex couples fondling each other and French kissing during afternoon television or in advertisements run during same, and you are a homophobe.
Those who are not emamored with guys wanting to be girls, and kicking female butt in athletic events, are transphobes.
Interjection: The blue budgie just buzzed me and, having been repulsed, flew into the living room to land on the head of my wife, who is holding and petting a yellow-naped Amazon parrot.
This flyby did not please me, and so I would be shoved into the ornithophobia category – fear of birds.
Allow me to push back. I am not afraid of the birds. I’m confident, if it came down to me or them in a physical confrontation, I would prevail.
Also, I do not hate the birds – the preferred politicalization of the phobia term. It’s just I prefer not to have my head serve as a landing pad, as I also prefer not to have my big toe bitten by the parrot, something that has happened because the bird, a psychotic rescue animal, seems to have abuse by feet and/or shoes in its past.
As a parting shot, I presume my lack of unconditional love for the parrot could be labeled misogyny, too.
Herbie arrived as a reported male but, after several incidents of laying eggs, has been moved to the female category. Maybe he just identifies as a female.
My wife has suggested a name change to Her-She. I’m not sure what the bird’s preferred pronouns are, but I suspect, since it can mimic human speech, it would share them if only someone programmed it with what to say – sort of like confused people have been coached along that line.
I wait with bated breath.
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