I’m suspecting an outbreak of triskaidekaphobia – the irrational fear of 13 – today in Iran.
Friday the 13th arrived with an onslaught of Israeli air attacks on Iran, designed to kill leadership and destroy uranium weapons facilities.
Early reports are that it all worked, spectacularly.
Late last night our time, early Friday 13th in Iran, I watched coverage on cable news and cheered the pre-emptive strike designed to end Iran’s nuclear weaponry ambitions. Predictably, the usual suspects in the deranged Democrat fringe and their mouthpieces in LameStream media were not pleased and rushed to denounce Israel.
You’d expect nothing less from the people who support blindly criminals, illegal immigrants, Marxists, anarchists and generally anyone intent on ending western civilization.
This caused me to ponder what it might sound like if LameStream media and radical politicians decided to support Israel, applying the same metrics they use in covering up for scofflaws,
From a typical CNN host, Jake Tapped-out: Israel launched a mostly peaceful air attack on Iran, an act of righteous indignation over repeated attacks, both literal and figurative, Iran and its proxies have made on Israel for maybe the past 40 years. Israel was provoked and Trump, I mean, the ayatollah, forced the hand of the Israelis.
Typical Democrat politician guest on CNN: Iran is claiming violence, but I know violence when I see it. No one was killed. What? Some top Iranians were killed? Well, not that many. So, Israelis huddled in bomb shelters were having a little fun watching broadcasts of cars, missile launchers and uraniun enriching facilities burn. I repeat, it was all non-violent.
CNN host: But you must be upset that the Tel Aviv gay rights celebration scheduled for today has been canceled.
Hack politician: I think Israel canceled it out of an abundance of caution over what hateful things MAGA supporters might shout at the celebration. That, and the threat of Iranian missiles, and even debris from those intercepted, raining down on the rainbow warriors might not be desirable.
CNN host: Back to the mostly peaceful air raids, it certainly is justifiable when you are dealing with a modern version of Hitler and the Third Reich Nazis.
Hack politician: No doubt. They must be eradicated so the world is safe for normal people. By the way, did I mention I’m selling a book about the cognitive decline of Clueless Joe Biden while in office and just blowing the lid off the coverup by the White House. It’s available . . .
CNN host: I hate to cut you off, but I co-write all the after-the-fact scandal books. Plus, we have to go to breaking news. Taylor Swift and boy toy Travis Kelce attended Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals tonight and the network broadcasts managed to slip in some game footage amidst gratuitious shots of the happy couple mugging for the cameras they obviously knew were monitoring their every move.
Hack politician: You know, Swift supported Kamala. I’m sure the dude did, too. Otherwise, he was going to be immortalized in another of those insipid breakup songs.
CNN host: Now, we go to national security correspondent Coyote Blitzed. Coyote?
Coyote: Yes, I just got off a call from Voldo . . . however you spell/pronounce it, Zelenskyy, who pleaded that we not forget his peoples’ struggles amidst this blatant Israeli attention ploy. He told me he fears the United States will ship all its spare munitions to Israel, leaving his rapidly diminishing army at the mercy of the Russian bear. He also said something unflattering about Jews I will not repeat here.
CNN host: Well, Ukraine does have a substantial Neo-Nazi population, so this should be expected. We have word that jubilant Israelis have taken to the streets. Let’s get a live report from there.
CNN field reporter: Yes, I’m here among thousands of mostly peaceful demonstrators, desirous of gaining the historic territory they feel they are owed. They are chanting “From the sea to the rivers,” which I take to mean they want control of land from the Mediterranean Sea to the Tigris and Euphrates rivers.
CNN host: Sounds fair to me. Yes, it would mean seizing portions of Jordan, Syria, Saudi Arabia and Iraq, but what’s fair is fair.
Hack politician: Remember, my book is available . . .
CNN host: Concerns have been expressed that Iran did not receive due legal process. Thoughts?
Hack politician: I hate to admit this, but Trump told them 60 days and this is day 61. Who do they think they are, illegal immigrants? Maybe we should write “Due process” on one of the bombs.
CNN host: That sounds like a reasonable compromise.
Hack politician: About that book . . .
CNN host: Sorry, our time is up. Back to coverage of Swift and the dude at the hockey game.
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