Jumping On The U.S. Women’s Hockey Bandwagon

I tried life as an Altoid Thursday regarding women’s Olympic hockey. It was tougher than expected, but rewarding in the end. Allow me to explain.

First, Altoids refers not the candy mints of the same name, but to fans of Altoona High School sports. Growing up in Johnstown, I was amazed at those fans. We called them Altoids, because it seemed they were not of this Earth.

They lived to bask in reflected glory of their sports teams and, in the end, it didn’t matter what the sport was. These were fans of winning. If it filtered all the way down to tiddlywinks, and Altoona was dominant, they’d show up wearing the colors.

I saw this, first as a student at Johnstown High School, with Altoona being our big rival, and later while working more than two decades, mostly in sports, for the Johnstown Woke Gazette.

Altoona had some great high school football teams through the years, but as far as I can tell, never won a state or WPIAL title. Johnstown, twice claimed WPIAL titles.

The Altoid fans progressed to boys basketball. Over a stretch of decades, Altoona had a string of eventual NBA players, from Johnny Moore through Doug West, Mike Iuzzolino and Danny Fortson. Yet, Altoona never won a state title.

Altoid fans moved on to girls basketball and finally got their Holy Grail, with state titles and even a mythical national title.

On the flip side, if Altoids were confronted with their teams losing, they rushed to exits before game’s end. Theirs was a curious take on the philosophical chestnut about a tree falling in the woods with no one around to hear and whether or not it made a noise. If their team lost, but the Altoids did not witness the ending, then it never really happened.

I decided to try being an Altoid regarding the U.S. women’s Olympic hockey team, which played Canada for the gold Thursday.

I never have watched a single women’s hockey game in my life, but in the best Altoid fashion, this was a chance to hop aboard the bandwagon and share their success. After all, the U.S. women were expected to continue dominating, even against their great rivals from the land of the Snow Peso.

Having sweated out the OT triumph of the U.S. Men vs. Sweden a day earlier, I was in the mood for some American domination.

Alas, the first period apparently was a showcase of women’s hockey, slow-developing plays and limited individual brilliance.

But, I endured into the second period, when the Americans coughed up a short-handed goal while on the powerplay and trailed, 1-0.

There are some basic hockey rules covering such things. First, teams with 5 on-3 advantages that fail to score a goal, usually lose. Along that line, teams that give up short-handed goals, also tend to lose.

I moved to watching a DVRd episode of the Charles Payne show on Fox Business, and made a phone call to straighten out a billing issue on my Medicare RX plan.

It was time to check back on the game and, imagine my surprise to find it tied at 1-1 and headed to overtime.

First, a thought on the 3-on-3 overtimes of the Olympics. The U.S. men, and now the U.S. women, have prevailed, but it’s a joke. The Olympics come around once every four years. Can’t we spare a few extra minutes to play 5-on-5 in overtime, with medals on the line?

The women’s overtime, unlike the breathtaking skill exhibited by the men with all that open ice, was more a comedy of errors with lost pucks, offsides calls and other assorted gaffes.

The U.S. wrote a merciful end with a semi-breakaway goal and it was time to celebrate.

U-S-A!

Now, I can’t imagine watching another women’s hockey game anytime, but it was fun playing the role of an Altoid on a rainy February afternoon.

I, however, am not willing to be an Altoid regardless of the team or athlete.

There will be no cheering from me for American Soy Boy snowboarders, “Pansexual” skaters and Americans competing for China because the money is better and due to Olympics loopholes, they apparently qualify due to once having eaten at a Chinese buffet.

I’m not about to embrace these Hate America types, even if they are wearing our colors as members of national teams.

With the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, it’s probably better that Canada led much of the game and the U.S. needed to score a late goal with its goalie pulled to force OT, just when Canada was sniffing an upset.

I’d liked to have been there with Canada PM Mark Carney (Barker) when that overtime goal was scored. Bet the dog got kicked more than once, eh.