If American humorist Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) had lived another 115 years or so, he could have added math is racist to the verbal statistical takedown so often credited to him, but that Twain himself preferred to credit to British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli.

Since Twain’s library card of life expired in 1910, and examples of Disraeli making the assertion seem to be nonexistent, we are left with what endures as Twain’s pithy assessment: “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.”

Perhaps I’m thinking numbers today because it’s my birthday and, as I noted to granddaughter No. 2 this morning, I’m 10 times as old as she is.

Or maybe it’s the onslaught of questionable government statistics.

Add in the propensity of those with an agenda to torture the numbers attempting to bolster their case, and life is a battle to establish the validity of the statistics with which we are inundated on a daily basis.

Later this week, the government will be releasing inflation numbers, which may or may not be accurate, but will lead to kneejerk reactions in the investing markets. Never mind that the numbers almost assuredly will be adjusted up or down in coming months, for the moment they are the gospel and millions if not billions of dollars will change hands based on what almost assuredly is erroneous data.

Dies, damned lies and statistics, indeed.

What happens when those statistics are manipulated intentionally to send a false message? I’m thinking here of fudged D.C. Police crime numbers.

Sometimes, statistics do indicate a trend.

Consider a report from a German news source that a full 55 percent of new police recruits in Berlin are not proficient in – jawohl – German!

Germany, like most European countries, welcomed immigrants with open socialist arms, and now finds those immigrants refusing to accept the host culture and instead attempting to take over the country.

Berlin police unable to communicate in German seems to be progress toward that goal.

England, the land of fish and chips, where immigrant rape gangs are tolerated, but pithy free speech posts on social media prompt arrest, is yet another example of immigration gone wild.

In a December 2024 report by the BBC, whose leftist slant wouldn’t seem to impact this statistic, it was relayed that Muhammad had displaced Noah as the top name pick for baby boys in England and Wales during 2023. Perhaps England has an overadundance of prolific Muslim immigrants?

But you don’t need a passport to witness firsthand immigrants invading and refusing to assimilate. Consider Springfield, Ohio, with its Haitian problem, or Dearborn Heights, Mich., where the police department let the cat out of the Muslim bag by unveiling patches with Arabic writing.

Whoops, that wasn’t for public release, said the embarrassed mayor. But it was going to be slipped in, hopefully without notice? Should we feel better about that?

We read varying estimates of the numbers of illegal immigrants currently prowling America, numbers ranging from a few million up to 30 million. While the respective sides quibble about the exact total, let us agree it is too many and while President Trump is unlikely to successfully boot 30 million scofflaw immigrants during his term, any number he does forcefully relocate is a good start.

While we’re generating heat regarding numbers, let us close by addressing FIRE, the acronym for Financial Independence Retire Early.

I was an unwitting member of that movement, cramming large amounts of my pay into a 401(k) after I was done putting my son through college.

I wanted out and considered myself an indentured servant, saving money to buy my freedom.

Those retirement savings, and a pitifully small buyout offer from Tribune-Review Publishing, allowed me to retire at age 53 ½.

Not believing math to be racist, I crunched the numbers and gave the wife about a 99-percent guarantee we could be fine financially should I retire early. Pushing 17 years later, it still looks good.

The subject is pertinent because recently one of those personal finance know-it-alls, Suze Orman, wrote a person would need $5 million to retire early and probably more like $10 million.

A little research indicates Orman loves to sing from this hymnal, sort of like the way Al Gore thrusts his corpulent body in front of a microphone periodically to predict incorrectly and without fear of negative consequence the end of Arctic ice, or the submerging of New York City by rising oceans.

I saw at least one article from 2019 with Orman attacking FIRE types and noting the familiar $5 million figure to retire early.

Maybe if one aspired to be just like Orman, and live on a private island, then one needs the $5 million.

I’m here to tell you I retired with less than $5 million – less than $1 million, too – and we’re not sitting around my house in the dark eating cans of beans and scanning media sources for the next food giveaway.

When it comes to Orman, Gore, and government sources spewing statistics, remember Twain’s take. Or was it Disraeli’s?

The NFL season is upon us and I might watch a game or two throughout. But, I’m not going to be a fanatic about it.

Where once my job would have required me to follow the league slavishly, now I’m free to pick and choose and, most important, just say no when the league’s sickening virtue signalling and uneven product induces nausea.

Seriously, can we just end the cloying field messages and helmet stickers?

The season opens tonight with a made-for-TV rivalry game between the defending Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles and the self-proclaimed America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys.

These are the Cowboys, who haven’t won a Super Bowl since the 1995 season, when current broadcaster Troy Aikman was quarterback and they prevailed in Super Bowl XXX over your Steelers.

I covered that game in Arizona, never dreaming it was the curtain call for Cowboys success.

These days, the Cowboys pay quarterback Dak Prescott an average of $60 million a season to fail in the clutch and miss a lot of games due to injury.

The NFL folks and their broadcasting proxy will have to turn the hype machines on full to make tonight’s game interesting. But, if football fans are inclined to watch, the majority of the viewing public can find it on NBC.

There is a Friday game coming between Kansas City and San Diego, which I couldn’t watch even if I wanted to do so because it’s been bid out to YouTube. I could, however, watch a delayed broadcast beginning at midnight on the NFL Network.

I think I will pass, for a variety of reasons, including not wanting to be subjected to countless shots of Taylor Swift in some private box rooting on Mr. Taylor Swift, who plays tight end for the Chiefs.

The way the pop-culture crowd has glommed onto the power couple provides a fitting metaphor for the increasingly vacuous state of the populace.

But, you’re here to get my thoughts on the prospects of the Steelers, right?

I fall into the crowd that expects the team to slip into the playoffs, and quickly exit.

This relative success will come despite the presence of Aaron Rodgers at quarterback, scheduled to make about $14 million to slip out of his nursing home on weekends and, before lining up, find someone on the sideline to hold his walker.

I don’t expect Rodgers to make it through the entire season without missing lots of time due to injury and/or lack of production. Simply put, he’s a warm body the Steelers are hoping will make a few plays, avoid major gaffes and just hand the ball off to running backs while the Steelers defense is expected to keep the opposition in check.

The greatest thing the Steelers have going for them is yet another soft schedule.

Perhaps you have read on ESPN and other outlets that the Steelers have the 10^th toughest schedule in the NFL. This is based on simplistic mathematical extrapolation using last year’s records for this year’s opponents.

That is the sort of rear-view mirror analysis that gives us those wildly incorrect national jobs numbers that need to be revised severely after the fact.

More telling is the schedule work of the people at sharpfootballanalysis.com. Simply put, they follow the money, as in the expectations of bettors for teams’ 2025 wins and losses.

Based on that, the Steelers’ schedule is 24^th in terms of strength out of 32 teams.

Just look at the facts. The Steelers open with the New York Jets, an annual clown show that can be expected to continue this season. And it just happens to be Rodgers’ latest former team, What a coincidence!

Next up is a Seattle team that went 10-7 last year, but figures to slip this season due to personnel changes.

Then come the New England Patriots (another shell of a franchise) and the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings exemplify why this Steelers schedule is soft and cheesey.

Yes, the Vikings went 14-3 in the 2024 regular season. But, the mirage was exposed in the final week of the regular season and a first-round loss in the playoffs, by a combined margin of 58-18.

If you think Minnesota will win 14 games this season, you are as delusional as Democrat politicians supporting illegals, criminals, transgenders in women’s sports, violent protesters, drug runners and the welfare bum class.

The Steelers easily could be 4-0 ahead of their bye week and, coming out of that face perennial sad sack Cleveland. Dare we dream, 5-0?

With that kind of a headstart on the season, it would take a total collapse to keep the Steelers from the playoffs.

But, once there the competition gets stiffer and the Steelers will exit quickly.

The ongoing legal passion play regarding housing confusion on the part of Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook has me thinking about the word cook and variations thereof.

When one fudges a company’s accounting numbers, the act is said to be cooking the books. Lisa Cook is being accused of cooking her personal books, allegedly claiming as many as three primary residences, supposedly in the effort to secure lower mortgage interest rates.

Her defenders range from denying anything nefarious took place, to saying it happened before she was a DEI pick to be a Fed governor and so does not matter (I was tempted be punny and say count instead of matter), to saying it was just a bit of confusion since she was buying so many houses at the time

I read that 593 left-wing economists have signed a public letter defending Cook. And I am reminded of the 51 intelligence types who swore publicly that Hunter Biden’s laptop was Russian disinformation. They were very, very wrong.

To borrow the tagline from wrestler-turned-movie-star Dwayne Johnson, I think I can smell what The Rock is cooking.

As Cook’s supporters throw stuff against the wall to see what sticks, they have tossed in the race card. Can’t pass on that since Cook is black. Can misogyny be far behind? She is a woman, too, or at least presents as one.

I’m not sure what Cook’s preferred pronouns are.

The race baiters neatly ignore three names – Robert Kaplan, Eric Rosengren and Richard Clarida – white men all who in recent years resigned under fire from positions with the Federal Reserve over questions of financial impropriety.

They were not convicted of any misdeeds, but stepped away for the good of the institution.

Cook is not similarly inclined.

We are left to speculate if too many Cook(e)s spoil the broth.

Recall if you will, Janet Cooke, the former Washington Post reporterette.

If you think journalistic malpractice is a new phenomenon, understand that way back in 1980, Janet Cooke became the poster girl for not letting the facts get in the way of promoting an agenda.

Cooke, the product of a civil rights activist father and school teacher mother, rose quickly in the ranks, partly on talent and partly on being a black woman.

In 1980, she wrote a story for the Washington Post “Jimmy’s World” about a black 8-year-old heroin addict, the sweet spot of her twin focuses of race and poverty

It was compelling, heart-wrenching stuff and earned a Cooke a Pulitzer prize.

Alas, Cooke just made it up and, after some people started poking around, she admitted as much. Goodbye Pulitzer. Hello unemployment. But there are reports that Cooke eventually landed on her feet – wait for it – by teaching journalism at the university level.

That explains a lot about what passes for journalism these days.

Had Cooke simply waited until 2025, she could have kept the Pulitzer. That’s what the Washington Post and New York Times have done regarding the Pulitzers they won for journalistic malpractice in covering the supposed Russian collusion with Donald Trump’s 2016 election.

Their narrative has been debunked. Yet the Pullitzers remain in their hands.

Perhaps these two usual suspects of left-wing media bias can grab another Pulitzer by writing prolifically to help Lisa Cook clear up her apparent confusion over where she lives.

Watching the smorgasbord of college football over the Labor Day weekend was an in-your-face reminder that the days of playing for pride and old State U are long gone.

Every game, it seemed, had the announcers reciting the extensive travel logs of the various players. Old Schlom, the center for Team A, played a year at Alabama, was at Texas Christian for three years, and now has been plugged into the offensive line at Team A since it graduated (ran out of eligibility for) its entire OL.

Quarterbacks, running backs, defensive or offensive linemen, wide receivers, linebackers, defensive backs, you name it, all had a lengthy lists of schools to which they previously had matriculated, and I bet it wasn’t due to a search for the better math department.

The transfer portal beams players from one program to another, like a college football Star Trek transporter. It’s the free-agent market for colleges, where teams with holes can poach productive players from lower-profile programs to fill immediate needs.

The selling point is perhaps playing for a national championship, and did we mention lots of money?

You might recall legendary Alabama coach Nick Saban got out of the college game a few years back, citing, among other things, the runaway influence of NIL (Name, Image, Likeness) money, which makes it OK to pay college players millions of dollars while they still, incredibly, are considered amateur athletes.

The topic of NIL has become a public spitting contest between the coaches at Oklahoma State and Oregon in advance of their week 2 matchup Saturday in Oregon.

In case you’ve been in a coma in recent years, the Oregon program is funded to the max by NIKE gazillionaire Phil Knight. He frequently used to pal around with Joe Paterno, in the pre-NIL days.

Oklahoma State coach Jeff Gundy, speaking of Oregon, griped that college football has become a spending arms race, saying his team had spent about $7 million (in NIL, presumably) over the past three years while Oregon he said has spent $40 million just last year.

While Gundy exaggerates, he’s not completely off-base. Meanwhile, his Oregon counterpart, Dan Lanning, said his program is just going with the current flow in college football and spending to win.

It makes you long for the old days, when a lesser program might get lucky with a recruit and expect to keep him his entire college career. Now, that program would need to recruit the player over and over again, with wads of cash in each hand.

Just as in (other) pro sports, sometimes spending money doesn’t guarantee college football successs. But failing to spend money guarantees failure.

In the titanic main attraction last weekend, Texas, ranked No. 1 in the AP poll and also, according to 247sports.com, the top 2025 NIL program with $22.2 million in NIL money distributed to its roster, lost to No. 3 AP and No. 2 NIL Ohio State ($20.2 million).

If only Texas had spent a few more million bucks!

While college football has become a disgusting exercise in transfers and millionaire players, it’s refreshing to see that some things hold constant.

In an example of note, while other Top 10 teams chose to meet on the playing field (think Texas-Ohio State, LSU-Clemson and Notre Dame-Miami), Penn State was content with business as usual regarding its schedule, playing Sisters of the Poor, with School for the Blind, and Over Our Heads U upcoming.

Specifically, the PSU opener was against overmatched Nevada. Be still my heart as Florida International is next up, to be followed by Villanova.

Then Penn State has an off week to get ready for finally playing a legitimate opponent in Oregon.

With perennial tormenter Michigan again missing from the PSU schedule, this Oregon game, along with the traditional game (defeat) against Ohio State should be the only challenges. Just split those two games, or even lose both, and Penn State will have a cakewalk into the expanded college football playoffs. What is it now, 80 teams?

Some are saying Penn State is a strong pick to win the national championship this year. Legislating against that prospect is the continuing presence of James “Can’t Win The Big Game” Franklin as the coach, and Penn State, again according to 247sports.com, ranking only 11^th in NIL payroll at $13.7 million.

I can’t wait to see if Franklin cries NIL poor in advance of that Oregon game – or after losing to the Ducks.

It was just yesterday I noticed the signs that have popped up around the suburbs, pleading passers-by to save Central Park.

Perhaps the signs have been there for some time and I have not spotted them, but I don’t believe that to be the case. They are similar to the ubiquitous campaign signs that show up at prominent points around elections, and frequently linger long after the decisions have been made.

So it is with these signs, which I presume are designed to promote efforts to preserve Central Park downtown as a bucolic escape from the city, albeit a city that is not exactly hustling and bustling.

Saving the park is a ship that, apparently, has sailed.

Having seen the signs, and having business in Johnstown (or so I thought) I made it a point to cruise past Central Park Wednesday.

At first, I thought there had been yet another Johnstown homicide, due to the park being festooned with yellow tape reminiscent of police crime scenes.

In an ironic way, the yellow tape was fitting. It was a crime scene of sorts — one against nature. Without stopping, it was evident the fountain has been removed from its brick circle. Can the bricks of its pool be far behind?

Benches are missing, but fencing is in place to keep people out. No problem there. Taking away seating and the fountain accomplishes that.

How long before the place turns into yet another concrete oasis, which repels humans who might want to get a look at some grass and trees in an urban setting?

This whole Central Park refresh is typical Johnstown. Shake the begging bowl for grant money, spend a lot of it on consultants from other areas to tell us what we want, distribute the contracts to the usual suspects, and provide the citizens with something they neither needed nor wanted.

But the elites got what they wanted and that’s all that matters.

Their cover story is the COVID-19 rescue plan money needed to be spent on the park. If that is so, why even bother to request the funds merely to gild a lily?

Why not pursue grant money that could be used for a better purpose?

Trips to downtown are infrequent for me these days, so I won’t be monitoring closely the ruination of Central Park.

I’m sure they will do a fine (sarcasm) job by Johnstown standards and accomplish what they usually do, which is wasting money that might have been used for something more productive and desired.

Shooting from the lip seems to be contagious.

I expect it from the Libtard Democrats and their mouthpieces in the LameStream media. I don’t expect it from the likes of high-profile Republican Trey Gowdy. But, there was Gowdy Wednesday morning on Fox News, even as details were just rolling in regarding the Minnesota school shooting, making absurd assertions amidst the uncertainty.

Among Gowdy’s bon mots: “It’s always a young, white male.”

Gowdy also jumped on board with the usual suspects among Democrat leadership, like Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries, who were rushing to politicize the tragedy to help push gun control.

How spectacularly cynical these empty suits are. The bodies of the students were barely cold and they were spewing political talking points. Pathetic.

Let’s address Gowdy’s ridiculous observations.

Technically, it was a white male. Except, it was a trans male who identified as a woman and, with the aid of his mother, had legally changed his first name from Robert to Robin to reflect his gender confusion while still a minor.

He/she/it apparently was white, but by its own account, was not a male.

This sick shooter is just part of a growing trend of trans violence. These mentally ill individuals are groomed and weaponized by the far left that looks to take down the United States by destroying the institutions of family, marriage, religion, and law and order.

Where the hell were this sicko’s parents? They raised and knew this monster his entire life and never suspected he was a few bricks shy of a load?

The mother reportedly formerly had worked at the very same school where her spawn killed two students. Some have written that the shooter once attended school there.

A Nashville school shooting a few years back was by a trans individual. Trans have attacked Tesla dealerships, ICE officers, and other schools.

The Minneapolis mayor was quick to jump on a soapbox and decry any who would note the shooter was a trans. Can’t be saying that in a trans sanctuary city in a trans sanctuary state.

Gee, didn’t Tampon Tim’s tampon-dispensing machines in boys’ bathrooms and locker rooms help ease this individual’s pain?

Regardless, we can’t point out it was yet another trans shooter, but leftists can demonize gun owners as a group,

I own guns and never have shot anyone, never shot at anyone, never pointed a loaded gun at anyone. I am in the vast majority of gun owners on those fronts.

Yet, the liberal left feels free to impugn gun owners as a group any time a mentally ill type uses a gun to kill innocents.

Another right-leaning toolbag on Fox went on a screeching rant about the need for so-called Red Flag laws, which give governments the right to take away weapons just because they have someone contact them to say that they perceive the individual owner to be a risk.

Minnesota has Red Flag laws. Tell me how well that worked. Such laws are useful when someone wants to harass someone they dislike. But this shooter’s parents or family didn’t drop a dime to suggest it was dangerous and should not possess weapons.

Even gun haters will acknowledge there are a huge number of guns in the United States, legally or illegally. More laws would not change that.

Think of guns as illegal aliens. Even if you stop the inflow, you still have a major, perhaps unsolvable problem.

And this fails to take into account the many examples – often ignored by LameStream media – when a good guy or gal with a gun took down a would-be mass shooter.

Back when I belonged to the NRA, the one monthly publication of the group ran a list of such stories in each issue. I can’t recall a single issue without many reports.

Leftists are fond of insisting you not dwell on the facts, just listen to their propaganda. They assured us under the watch of Clueless Joe Biden that COVID jabs were safe and effective, the border was secure, there was no inflation, Joe really wasn’t as senile as he seemed, violent riots were “mostly peaceful” and the White House lawn was just the place to stage gay pride events.

Enough people saw through those lies that Donald Trump wiped out Cacking Kamala, the Democrat’s handpicked Biden successor, in the last national election.

Will enough citizens see through the politicization of this Minnesota shooting? We can only hope.

This is a not a request for pity, or the opening PR salvo in a campaign designed to climax with the creation of a GoFundMe account, benefitting me, of course. Instead, it is an exercise designed to explain why I don’t consider myself a lucky person.

Not that I’m complaining; merely sharing my experiences to brighten the moods of people similarly encumbered with poor luck.

Understand up front, I’m talking about luck as in fortune that follows many in the niggling matters of life. These are people consistently greeted with green lights, open doors, short lines, unexpected deals and money falling into their laps for no earthly reason.

This seldom happens to me.

In the big picture, though, I am fortunate. I would argue that I made some of my own luck in major matters such as having a marriage spanning more than four decades, being able to retire at the ripe, young age of 53 ½, having a son, three granddaughters and an assortment of worldly possessions.

Despite all that, I understand things will not go well on a day-to-day basis. I’ve known this since my youth, and have compensated by working harder, allowing more time to complete a task than one would ordinarily need, and generally making allowances to deal with the reality of things not going smoothly.

I have recent examples. My main credit card was set to expire in October, so the good folks at the company sent me new cards. It was on me to update all the many things I have automatically billed to said card.

For the most part, it was not too taxing. But the company that provides health insurance for my wife and I was a multi-hour challenge. It all began with being unable to log in to our accounts because somewhere along the line the company had decided it needed better passwords from members. I wish they had told me of this.

I had to change both passwords, getting stuck in a recurring loop of needing to try to log in, getting a security code texted to me, entering said code and . . . being prompted to request a code in order to log in to the accounts.

Once I got inside it all, it was far from clear how to achieve the simple task of changing a card expiration date. A call to the subscriber line got me in touch with a woman who insisted there was not a single soul in the company who could do this for me. I doubted her.

I tried online chat, which helped, sort of. I was on one tab chatting, but had to open another tab to make the change. I did so, at the command of the masked chatter, and my chat session was automatically aborted.

But, I got the change made. On a side note, I used the new credit card twice today, for the first time since the activation, and it seemed to work.

Now, if all my online billings are correctly upated and function well. I’m guessing more woe to come on that front.

The very same time I got the new credit cards (a few weeks back) I got a card to get my photo taken for a new driver’s license. I had put off both tasks anticipating – correctly – much grief.

But, as long as I did the credit cards, I would venture to the photo center along Walters Avenue to get that done Tuesday.

The waiting room was packed when I got there, but I got a ticket for my task with only four others ahead of me. There is an electric sign that monitors progress and another guy noted to me that it was a study in government efficiency that someone had put up an instruction sign that partially covered the bottom row of the electric sign that called one’s number.

I waited about 15 minutes before getting my call, which is not too bad. It got much worse.

Ahead of me was a guy who probably wasn’t a day over 150. He had problems with basics, such as hearing, seeing, or following instructions. I wondered if this guy actually had driven to the site.

When he sat for his license photo, he got the impression he was having a portrait taken at a photo studio. He passed on at least three pictures before finally accepting – grudgingly – one for the license.

Trust me, no photographer could have made this guy handsome. Same with me, so when I got to pick I accepted the first effort, a typical criminal mugshot type of thing.

The picky photo man moved to fumbling and bumbling with questions one must answer using a numbered keypad and a computer screen. After maybe 10 attempts, and lot of coaching, he got through the ordeal.

Again, if this person actually drove to the center, we’re all in danger any time he’s on the road.

It was my turn and after a bit of adjustment of my body position to remove glare from my glasses, the picture was taken, I whipped through the questions and was told to sit and await my license. The problem was, available chairs were taken, so I leaned against the wall.

After four or five others, some of whom had come in after me, were sent on their way, I became a tad concerned.

I went to the person handling the check-in and license distribution and was told there’d been an error with printing my license and either I could wait, or they would send it to me,

I waited, not trusting adding links to the chain. But, it struck me I’d seen a lot of people come and go at this facility, including 10 or so while I was in the actual photo room, and all had been without incident – other than the Joe Biden-type guy who had gone just ahead of me. And the only delays he endured were self-inflicted.

Even that guy, with all his hesitation and uncertainty, was sent on his way with his Real ID package before I got my license.

Eventually, my license came through and I was able to depart. All told, I probably spent 35 to 40 minutes at the place. It seemed longer.

I could have shaved 10 to 15 minutes off that if things had gone as they did for the others.

Again, I’m not complaining here, just sharing.

The sun is shining Monday morning and the birds (at least those that live in my house) are singing. If only things were going as well on the socio-economic, political and war fronts.

‘Tis time for a question and answer blog post to weigh in on current events.

Q: Isn’t it sad that Kilmar Abrego Garcia is being denied due process and is facing deportation to Uganda?

A: Not really. The so-called “Maryland Dad” is owed little “due process” as a person in this country illegally. Read my lips: He is not a CITIZEN!!!!!! I can’t believe the leftist, activist judges got him back on the streets, for perhaps another chance to beat his wife. It is that wife who went to police claiming spousal abuse, recall. Get him out of this country, and send about 14 million other illegals with him. I will glady pay legal citizens more to mow my grass and watch my children, except I mow my own grass and though my son is an adult, my wife and I do watch his children free of charge.

Q: How can President Donald Trump and his posse decry socialism while taking stock in computer chip manufacturer Intel?

A: Because, as more than one economist, analyst or adviser has noted, the government already had given Intel billions of dollars via the Clueless Joe Biden giveaway that went by the name of the Chips Act. The Intel stock the federal government has received is a form of paying back the money. If perennial whiners like Rand Paul want to claim socialism, fine. But, the socialism was commited by the Biden gang and Trump is merely acting to get compensation for the handout.

Q: What are the odds Ukraine and Russia will come to an agreement to stop the fighting?

A: Slim and none, and none just left for the Middle East, where Zelenskyy’s inner circle has been accused by some media of sending $50 million or so a month to create a soft-landing spot. Left with a choice of trusting Zelenskyy or Putin, I opt for neither. Give Trump credit for trying. But he’s got to realize this is one promise he cannot fulfill because it’s mostly in the hands of others. Include in that group the European leaders who came uninvited to Washington, D.C., to chaperone Zelenskyy on his last visit here.

Q: But, surely you think the U.S. should weigh in on the side of Ukraine if fighting continues?

A: No. Sure, sell arms to Ukraine, but make sure we’re not just getting paid with the money we’ve already sent there. No boots on the ground. No air support. No more handouts. Unlike the war on drugs, here is a conflict we can win by just saying no.

Q: Why do people continue to get the vapors over the prospect of Mamdani The Commie being elected mayor of New York City?

A: Not sure. It will turn the city into even more of a hell hole, but, like most of those expressing concern, I don’t live in New York City and have no plans to visit. If the good voters of the metropolis elect this hack, they deserve all the pain they will receive. If and when Mamdani does win, opponents can vote with their feet and leave. Also, once Mamdani either fails to deliver on promises of free stuff, or does so and wrecks the city finances, just say no to him, too, when he comes begging for a federal bailout. Big boys have to pay for their own messes, even if they are so weak they need help bench-pressing a small amount of weight.

Reports of the death of comedy have been exaggerated.

Yes, traditional comedy has been replaced by the political screeds of virtue signalling types who are afraid to lampoon and perhaps offend the left and risk cancellation. This has resulted, among other things, in late night TV shows, once a bastion of comedic hosts, becoming tepid cess pools of political correctness.

In turn, the decline in entertainment value — and ratings — has led to the need to jettison one practitioner, the stuffy, decidedly unfunny COAL BEAR. Can Jimmmeeeee be far behind?

Yet, there is comedy to be found, in unlikely places.

Fox News gives a nightly comedic smorgasbord from the new king of late night, Greg Gutfeld. But, one need not wait for the 10 o’clock airing of his show on weeknights. I’ve noticed a lot of comedy – both intentional and unintended – to be found in news shows and online.

Earlier this week, I saw not one, but two comedy classics during cable news broadcasts.

Both times, D.C. protesters were the unwitting foils.

In the first example, an illegal was being apprehended and the onlookers were spewing typical leftist venom, challenging the law enforcement types to take off their masks, demanding to know their affiliation (apparently the cretins couldn’t read “Police” written on their vests) and generally being blue-haired, nose ring-wearing asses.

One brave type, perhaps secure in the knowledge he would not lose his job after being videoed acting like a moron because he had none, yelled out, “You guys are ruining this country. You know that, right?”

Without missing a beat, one of the guys in a police vest shot back: “Liberals already ruined it.”

Can you feel the burn? Never heckle a comedian, and never chant stale slogans at police, who just might have prepared some comeback material.

Later the same night, also in D.C., a miscreant was being apprehended in the subway and brought up an escalator.

A leftist bovine type, who looked like she hadn’t missed a meal since Obama was president, was offering unsolicited career advice to the law enforcement people, noting they could do something else useful with their lives, perhaps be veterinarians.

Well this apparent female did look a lot like a cow, which prompted one guy to respond to her line that maybe he could choose another career with “You can choose to eat a salad!”

Bang. In this battle of wits, the protester was unarmed.

JD Vance got in some good one-liners directed at protesters during a visit to D.C.’s train station later in the week.

And President Trump’s social media account postings are lethal and funny,

Protester idiocy, general ineptitude, and media types writing like English is their second language, all can provide a few laughs.

Recently, a Savannah, Ga., TV station, during a report on Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Penix Jr., ran “Michael Penis Jr.” as the on-screen graphic beneath his interview.

Blame spellcheck if you must, but shouldn’t someone check this stuff before it goes out over the air?

I was reading a story on yahoo.com about the latest intruder from deep space that has invaded our solar system.

Began the first paragraph: “A strange object hurdling . . . “ “Hurdling” would suggest this interplanetary object was jumping over things as it sped through space. I’m thinking the writer meant “hurtling,” as in moving at great speed, which sounds similar and would have gone undetected if it were just a spoken, not written report.

This reminds me of a former Johnstown TV and radio type who did freelance columns for the newspaper and who thought they’re, there and their, all were the same word and all spelled their.

Again, on the air, he sounded perfectly fine. Reduced to the written word, he came off as a functional illiterate, at least to the staff that had to retype his columns. We had the good grace to clean up his writing to use there, their or they’re where appropriate. He probably never noticed.

But, all these years later, I still get a good chuckle over the memory, just as the aforementioned examples from this week provided comic relief.

Allegations of fudging the crime numbers in Washington, D.C., are rekindling old memories.

Current, younger residents of the crime-ridden Greater Johnstown Area might be surprised to hear that 50 to 60 years ago, Johnstown’s low crime rate was an annual point of pride.

Like clockwork, the feds would crunch crime numbers and Johnstown would emerge as being one of the safer, if not the safest cities in the nation. The local newspaper, before it became the Woke Gazette, would report this as gospel and so it went, year after year.

I do recall, however, even back then some found the numbers to be a tad suspect. Members of the public, based on anecdotal evidence — either crimes they saw reported in the newspaper, TV stations or radio stations, or crimes that happened to people they knew, or were committed by people they knew – wondered aloud how the numbers could be so low and things so idyllic in our little valley.

Gradually, those low crime numbers went the way of 28-cent-a-gallon gasoline. Fast-forward to today and few would proclaim this area to be a model city with an extremely low crime rate.

During my early days working at the Johnstown newspaper, I did a brief stint as the night police beat reporter. That meant monitoring the police scanner religiously, and each shift making three separate walks to the Public Safety Building along nearby Washington Street. The first was to check in on fire calls, the second, to go upstairs and get the police reports and, about 10:30 or so each night, there was a trip for catching up with detectives after they’d completed their night shift.

There was a police reporter who did this during daylight hours, too.

On one nightly detective visit, I was chatting with a detective who happened to be a neighbor. His partner decided he would use our ride together down the elevator to give me a lecture.

Simply put, this detective said when I, or a fellow staffer, came over and was told there was nothing to report, we should race back to our typewriters (yes, we used manual typewriters in those days) and hammer out something to the effect: “No crime was committed in the city tonight. Detectives and police officers were on the job, keeping all safe.”

My response, not word for word, but the general idea: “That could be the case. Also, it could be the case that the town was filled with crime and the police/detectives were too disinterested or inept to do anything about it.”

The detective did not take this well. Things got very tense very quickly.

A day or two later, my detective neighbor told me I’d really hit a nerve. Just before I told the other detective this bit about incompetence, that guy had botched a burglary investigation by storming in and handling evidence, leaving his fingerprints on many pertinent objects, such as doors, windows and various household items.

Beyond this specific incident, I also had been told on more than one occasion before joining the newspaper about suspicions the Johnstown Police were under-reporting crime.

That is exactly what some of the D.C. allegations charge, ranging from downgrading felonies to misdemeanors, to just igoring crimes in general. No paperwork, no bad data for the number crunchers.

Although our Johnstown Police force has been expanded in recent years and things are safer than at the nadir, there was a memorable night maybe 15 years ago that my wife, listening to the police scanner, heard a touching 911 call. A woman in Moxham was upstairs and an intruder had broken into her home downstairs.

The woman called 911 and the call went out to the police. The problem was our fair city had exactly one policeman working the streets that night and he was on a call in the West End which, for the geographically challenged, is the opposite side of our town.

The advice to the woman was to barricade herself in the room, get a weapon of opportunity such as perhaps a knife, and the police officer would get around to the Moxham call after he was done in the West End.

We never did hear how that turned out.

This, I told my wife at the time, is I why I own guns, have a carry permit, and target shoot often enough that I probably could put down a home invader by the time my gun’s magazine came up empty.

To sum up, I would not be shocked if crime numbers in Washington, D.C., have been massaged lower, or currently are being so manipulated. We thought that about Johnstown once upon a time.

If President Trump tomorrow wanted to send the National Guard into Johnstown, or my neighborhood for that matter, to reduce crime, I’d be all for it.

And, if you are repulsed by the Democrats’ apparent preference for lawlessness on the streets and want to guarantee that never again beomes governmental policy, be sure you make good voting decisions in each and every upcoming election.