Johnstown continues to flail around, a metaphorical cocktail of social, economic and political failure.
And I wonder what President Donald Trump would have to say about our ongoing testimony to yet more failed Democrat leadership.
Let us imagine such a scenario. It might go something like this, with Trump speaking:
Someone asked me today about Johnstown, a little corrupt, Democrat-run town in Pennsylvania. They said, “Sir, is there any hope for such a town?”
Maybe, if they start voting for Republicans. I’ve been to Johnstown, for a rally at the airport in 2020, when that COVID scam was underway to ruin my re-election chances.
And I was back, at the Cambria County War Memorial Arena in 2024. I don’t use the corporate naming rights title – some bank or something. It’s a memorial to our armed forces, the strongest and best in the world, which I rebuilt in my first term and am doing again.
Just ask Venezuela, or Iran.
The people lining up to get into that rally were all the way up a nearby hill. Someone said to me, “Sir, it looks like they’re trying to escape another flood.”
No, I said, they’re just trying to escape the clutches of Clueless Joe and Cackling Kamala.
I said back then we’d win Pennsylvania, and we did, despite all the dead and illegals voting in Philadelphia. I understand you people in Johnstown have an ongoing problem with refugees from Philadelphia.
Just imagine the problems you might have had if the Myopia 2025 elites had run all the Afghan immigrants into town. How about that Myopia 2025 group? They give themselves an expiration date, then ignore it.
They tried to flood Johnstown with Afghans behind your back and stopped once it became public. Oh, and they guaranteed the Afghans would have been vetted. Like the Somalis in Minnesota? Like the Somali in England who just stabbed some Jewish people? Like the 21-year-old Syrian immigrant in Norway who got only six months in jail for raping a 13-year-old because the court found he was too stupid to know it was wrong?
Low IQ! Tell me about it. I deal with low IQ Democrats and some Republicans with the same problem every day.
I’m so glad I have Susie Wiles as my chief of staff to help me with it all. Susie’s great. She’s the daughter of the late, great Pat Summerall, you know. What an outstanding football player and broadcaster. As an announcer, he could make a football game sound like the Battle of Britain.
Speaking of Britain, we had King Charles as a guest last week. Nice guy, even though he’s a Limey.
Back to Johnstown, that War Memorial Arena was interesting. They’d put a lot of money into it over the years, but I could have done it for about half the money. Granite, marble, gold leaf, it would have been beautiful, not that it isn’t beautiful now.
Did you know they filmed the movie “Slap Shot” there? In the movie, it was Killer Carlson and the Hanson Brothers, but in real life it was Killer Hanson and the Carlson brothers.
Those were some tough dudes, sort of like the Penn State wrestling team. Putting on the foil, eh?
I need them to protect me, not that the Secret Service isn’t doing a great job. Those agents are great, perfect.
Did you see the other day the guy trying to get to me at the dinner in Washington? He was quick. I thought the guy was an NFL running back candidate. But his footwork was not nearly good enough. He tripped over a magnetometer case – looked like Clueless Joe climbing the steps to Air Force One, or getting off a stage, or getting on a stage, or . . . well, you’ve all seen the clips.
You might think I’m rambling here, but it’s all part of the weave. I’ll be back to talking about Johnstown and all the shootings and stabbings soon.
I hear Joe’s looking for a job. Maybe he can be your next mayor, just another inept Democrat. And, speaking of looking for work, Joe could install his son, Hunter, as the city manager. I understand you change city managers about as often as honest, God-fearing Americans change their underwear, and much more often than illegal immigrants change theirs – unless ICE is spotted in the neighborhood.
I hear Johnstown has an area known as Moxham. Lots of bad hombres there, doing lots of bad things.
I mentioned to my Secret Service head man, Sean Curran, that when I run again in 2028 (just kidding, Hakeem) we ought to do a rally in Moxham.
Sean said, “Sir, we can protect you anywhere, including the South Side of Chicago. But, if you insist on going to Moxham, we’re going to need to enlist the aid of the Moxham Ninja to get the job done.”
I told Sean, “Make it so.” I always love that Picard line, even though I preferred the original Star Trek.
We might have used Central Park for a rally, but satellite images provided to me by my good friend Elon – a generous genius, I tell you – show me it’s been turned into a mudhole. Again, Johnstown got its hands on government money, held a contest and hired out-of-town consultants to determine how best to waste it, then settled on destroying a bucolic oasis, sort of like Central Park in New York City. They took out all the grass and trees and now will pave it so it looks like yet another parking lot.
Right now, Johnstown Central Park looks like Gaza City, and even I could not rebuild that Johnstown abortion into a resort destination. Before they destroyed the park, I could have fixed it for about one-tenth the cost by just rounding up some friends for the weekend and buying them some pizza and beer.
I tell you, downtrodden Johnstown residents, that while things are bad, you should know they could get worse.
If you see some Swedish autistic girl with a Prince Valiant haircut sailing a “Freedom Flotilla” up the Conemaugh River, you will understand how much worse things can get.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sam Ross Jr's site 