Yesterday was another of those days when I expected that at any minute Rod Serling would emerge from out of view with the lead-in to his latest episode of The Twilight Zone.
Admittedly, the reference is dated, but so am I. Even so, surely through the marvels of modern technology even those who missed the original run from 1959 through 1964 have had the opportunity to view The Twilight Zone and are familiar at least with the concept of this pioneering science-fiction/horror series.
With that in mind, and even though Serling is said to have uttered his signature phrase but a few times on-air, submitted for your approval . . .
Things were going well Thursday into late afternoon. I was scrupulously avoiding investment news, the better to be ignorant of yet further declines in my net worth due to war escalating vs. Iran and gold and silver inexplicably dropping like Iran leadership.
I was watching reruns of The Andy Griffith Show, longing to live in a Mayberry-like setting, when a quick scan of news on the old smartphone indicated yet another, perhaps premature, declaration that peace was at hand with Iran. Henry Kissinger must be spinning in his grave.
Gold and silver predictably spiked, as did my precious metals/mining stock portfolio. At last, after a week or so of carnage, some good news.
That was spoiled when the mail arrived and I got two letters, one from Southmont Borough and the other from First National Bank.
I guessed – incorrectly — that Southmont was going to make a demand that I do something to improve my property, while continuing to ignore those who have turned their real estate into either junkyards, or metals salvage operations, among other failings.
But no, Southmont is looking for donations to raise matching funds for a governmental grant. They need $25,000 to get another $25,000. Proposals for that money include a laundry list of things $50,000 would only begin to fund. But they can dream.
Emboldened, I opened the FNB communique, a rather threatening sort of thing that accused me of lacking insurance on my house and, since it was collateral with them, this was totally unacceptable.
Several key issues, such as the threat to buy insurance for me, possibly at “significantly more expensive” rates, and a warning that said coverage might not provide coverage on par with what I might purchase myself, were fittingly in BOLD print.
More than a little ticked, I called the number listed in the letter to get this straightened out and got a hapless sort, who seemed challenged to understand the situation. She did note she was showing a zero balance, but since the account still was active, I needed insurance.
I told her, repeatedly, that I had insurance and since she was quoting a zero balance, I didn’t understand the problem. Also, I get my hackles up when the government or a business starts demanding things of me.
Coming quickly to the realization I would get nowhere with this person, I demanded to speak to a supervisor.
Said supervisor again mentioned a zero balance.
By way of background, about eight years ago, when interest rates were artificially low, it made financial sense to borrow money rather than pull it from my retirement accounts and pay taxes on that money.
I took out a loan, with my house as collateral, and it was repaid earlier this year. I was promised a letter regarding this, that never came. I requested a resend and eventually got that written acknowledgment that the loan had been satisfied.
Also, an FNB type had reminded me to notify my insurance agent to have the bank removed from the title. I did this. Apparently that was not correct.
Somewhere along the way, the house was seen as collateral on a line of credit I have with the bank – also due to what then were low interest rates.
I told this FNB supervisor – and she insisted multiple times in response to my inquiries that she worked for FNB and was not a third-party call center employee – I had double this outstanding balance in my checking account and would walk to my computer and pay it off immediately if they would just get off my back.
Wouldn’t work, she said. Even though I actually then would have the zero balance on this too, the account would remain open and I would need to have insurance, just in case.
She told me I would need to go to a branch and sign paperwork to end the line of credit.
I first called my insurance agent to make sure he was in the office, then raced over to him to get the process of proving my insurance moving. He did so, both online and by sending a traditional mail message. And I got a call back and voice mail message from that supervisor Friday morning saying the insurance information had been received.
When I got home yesterday, I called my local FNB branch, where the assistant manager seemed to be confused by it all.
I recounted my 50-plus years as a customer with her bank as it went from Johnstown Bank and Trust, to Laurel Bank, to Promistar, to FNB and how customer service has descended into the toilet along the way. Regrettably, I just have ordered and paid for a large amount of new checks, or I’d take my checking account elsewhere, too.
I wanted to schedule an appointment for next week to come to that office, pay off the line of credit and just put an end to their bureaucratic idiocy as it involves me. Ah, but she wanted to check some things first. She promised to call me to set up that appointment, once she knew exactly what the problem is.
In view of the fact I’ve been waiting for months for a callback from FNB on another matter, I’m not optimistic. I told her this and she assured me she will call me next week.
And so, I sit and wait. I hope Rod Serling is available next week.
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