File this one under the better late than never category.
I realize the World Cup of Soccer has been going on for more than two weeks, hosted by the United States, Canada and Mexico. But, a recent conversation indicates to me that a primer is in order for the people who only are interested in soccer – and Olympic sports in general – about once every four years and forget a lot of finer points during the down time.
Let us begin with the United States team. You might have seen commercials for the U.S. men, playing on the 1980 Miracle On Ice hockey theme. Perhaps you have heard that our coach, Mauricio Pochettino, has an inspirational message he repeats to his team: Why not us?
Then again, Pochettino, is an Argentinian and not an American, so maybe when he asks “why not us?” he is referring to Argentina’s chances to repeat as World Cup champions.
On the surface, things have started well as the U.S. men won their first two games and clinched the top spot in their four-team group even before playing their third game.
Pochettino rested a lot of players for that meaningless third game, lest they get second yellow cards (soccer’s equivalent of a speeding ticket for going 50 mph over the posted limit) and risk a red card keeping them out of the next game.
But, Pochettino insisted the Americans would try to win vs. Turkey (Turkiye) and he did sub in ailing star Christian Pulisic in the second half after Pulisic had missed the previous game and a half.
Afterward, Pochettino was a bit touchy about the loss. Imagine if and when his team is eliminated, which should be in two games.
Despite what you heard from the Fox announcers (cheerleaders, more on this later) Pulisic was not sharp and, in fact stumbled around like a drunken sailor on defense shortly before Turkey scored the winner, in a 3-2 victory.
Understand, Turkey had not scored a single goal in two previous games, could not advance past this game, and likely is headed home as you read this.
Understand, the Americans had led this game 1-0 very early and rallied from a 2-1 deficit to tie things at 2, but showed yet another typical defensive lapse to allow Turkey to win the game.
Understand, our goalie is a pedestrian sort whose next great save will be his first. He’s playing because he’s steady. Some endorsement, right?
Understand, in each of the first two games, both wins, the Americans had an opening goal inadvertently put into the net for them by the opposition, the fabled own goal that is a soccer institution.
Understand, the first American opponent in the knockout round, where a loss eliminates a team, is Bosnia and Herzegovina, which came into this World Cup ranked a lowly No. 65 in the world. The U.S. likely will win, but our team also has every opportunity to fall flat on its collective face because, well, history.
Now, some general things to know as you watch the World Cup moving forward.
This is a World Cup that began with a record 48 entrants, a blatant money grab explained away as exposing more countries to the excitement of a having a team to root for. Those 48 teams were divided into 12 four-team groups, who play a round-robin schedule within the group. The top two from each group, and eight of the best third-place finishers advance to knockout play. So, after all this play to date, only one-third of the teams are eliminated.
Yes, the players are ridiculous, rolling around on the ground like they’ve been shot anytime an opponent breathes on them. Why? Think of the George Carlin joke: “Why does a dog lick its balls? Because it can.” Give these overly dramatic types a red card of disqualification for their efforts and it all would stop.
Yes, the Fox game crew for American games and the studio guys for same should be given pom poms and pleated skirts, for they are cheerleaders. They are blatant homers, over-hyping the American efforts and, during the Turkey loss, both game announcers screamed that Pulisic had scored on a shot wide of the net.
Yes, trying to listen to game announcers when the Americans are not playing, or studio shows of such games, is a lot like going to the Conemaugh ER, or to your local family doctor. Supposedly they are speaking English, but the accents make it hard to tell.
Yes, players celebrate goals as if they’ve won both World Wars and cured cancer. It’s almost as absurd as their injury dramatics.
Yes, fans of the Australia team chanted anti-Donald Trump slogans after their first game. What would you expect from a country founded by the British as a penal colony? By the way, the American men did all the chanting after blanking Australia, 2-0. When the porous U. S. defense holds you scoreless, you are pathetic.
Yes, we’re finally done with the ridiculous ties. Now, if the games end their two 45-minute halves with tie scores, there are two 15-minute halves played in their entirety – no sudden death. If the games still are tied, we move on to five alternating penalty kicks for each team. If it still is tied, then we have sudden death penalty kicks.
Yes, the referee keeps track of wasted time for all the injury histrionics, goal celebrations, and the “hydration” breaks midway through each half and tacks that “added time” onto the end of each half.
Yes, the line of the tournament was uttered by a game announcer before England and Ghana met at the New England Patriots’ Gillette Stadium. Prefacing his remarks with the background that it would be stunning if Ghana could win, he added a but: “As we know, the English historically struggle here in Massachusetts.”
Yes, that game ended in a scoreless draw, or Nil-Nil, as the soccer types prefer. It was nearly 1776 all over again.
Now, you are ready to watch the remainder of the World Cup.
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